Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Dump Him Like Last Week's In-Classes
Dear Jejune Juliet,
Well, I believe you knew I would say this, but, to humor you, I will state it: break-up with your boyfriend. I realize this remains much easier said than done and that you will surely miss him, however, you need to. It will hurt. You will feel lonely. You may despise me for encouraging unavoidable pain. But, I promise you, it will prove worth it. Separate yourself form the situation and ask if you would approve of one of your friends continuing a completely one-sided relationship. You, hopefully, answered yes and, if not, go back to the fictional Jazz Age and hang out with Gatsby's clan because you have some seriously skewed views about relationships. And you really do not want to end up like them. I mean, Jay himself died mid-swim. So, unless you want to end up floating face down in a crimson stained pool, stop forcing a relationship that should not exist. Although you will definitely experience some post-breakup sadness, you will heal and can fill the void with other forms of love. You may believe you need this guy in your life, but I can guarantee you that you will turn out fine and, most likely, a hell of a lot happier in the end. You really need to just Zumba or dirty dance your way out of this relationship ASAP. Good luck.
Sincerely,
Ms. Seresnky
Advice Columnist
DiCaprio's Devoted Chairman
The New York Times
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Katherine, I really enjoyed your allusions to some of Ms. Seresnky's favorite things including Leonardo DiCaprio, dirty dancing, and Zumba. I thought your blunt tone really reflected the tone Ms. Serensky would have about most subjects, which encourages persons to get the job done. Just like you, I found this girl pathetic and felt that she needed to make the obvious decision.
ReplyDeleteI too liked your message, especially the part in which you acknowledge the pathetic girl's inevitable hatred of your advice - I think Ms. Serensky often has to deal with whining and anger in response to her criticisms and directions that will, in reality, do more good than we want to admit. Also, I enjoy the title you added to her general list of honors.
ReplyDeleteI loved your blog because of how short and to the point you made it. The short sentences and forthright tone throughout emphasizes the necessity of following your advice right away and not questing it. The dramatic allusion to Jay Gatsby’s death amused me and highlighted how pathetic you found the girl. I think you got Ms. Serensky’s frank, confident attitude completely right.
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